I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
