That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
