for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
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Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm both gender and math confused
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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