All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
