we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
its not stalking. its research.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
