your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
