but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
