is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
