i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
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so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
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I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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