I wish I could teleport
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
