sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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