also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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