What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
