you have to choose: penises or morals?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
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When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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