remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
