Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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