I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
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She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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