We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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