I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
