I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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