I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
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he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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