Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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