I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
