my phone needs a breathalizer
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
