We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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