Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
