I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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