Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
