Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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