dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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