I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
