I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
