Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
