Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
