I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
