party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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