I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
