the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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