I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
