dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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