What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
