i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
