You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
