Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
