he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
