They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
