I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
