Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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