I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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