so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
