dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
im six kinds of drunk right now
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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