It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
