Screwed.edu
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
