I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
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