bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
