I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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