Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
