just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
