With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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