i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Less talking, more tequila
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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