Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
