Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
NoShamevember. You game?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
