The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
