i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize