I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
