A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
